Opposites Repel
Apples and oranges are the two most frequently compared opposites in literary ways, it seems. With love and hate; peace and war; and black and white thrown in the mix, opposites are useful for not only hyperbole, but many other forms of mockery. They are however, also quite appropriate it seems, in the terms of love. “Opposites attract” sang Janet Jackson while referring (I assume at any rate) to herself and her brother. Time has proven that particular theory wrong with Michael becoming more like her every second of every anesthesia filled day. But the overall principle of opposites attracting is ever present in the fairy tale love.
With the increasing (not overwhelmingly so, but still) amount of relationships starting online at places like Eharmony.com and Match.com, the theory has taken it’s broadsides. Still it has prevailed, but what is interesting is that if opposites do attract, they must for some reason. The reason I suspect, is that two opposites provide a sense of foreignness or exoticism experienced by both parties reveling in a new type of life. It could also be that one has not lived a life that the other has and they want to live it vicariously. Either way, the newness of it eventually wears off. Regardless of how one feels about it in the beginning, it will ultimately become everyday to them. This could be the source of why some relationships fail after a certain period of time. When one has experienced the life they had not previously led, they could begin to tire of it.
Without enough feeling of closeness, comfortableness or genuine emotional attachment regardless of the flaws and demands of the other party, the relationship is bound to fail. The couple may want to stay together and stick it out to see if it will pass, but it seems that is never the case. Weathering the storm can work but only if at least one of those aforementioned factors is present. Otherwise, the couple may stay together but bickering, oftentimes over petty and insignificant (at least to one party) things.
This theory is only relevant to the idea of opposites attracting. I’m not saying that every relationship built on opposites is going to degrade like above, just that normally that’s the reason they do. Relationships can be doomed from the beginning, but usually they start out with promise.
Some other relationships come from commonality. Two people share interests. They could be art; science; math; poetry; clouds; fucking, whatever. The point is that they have several things in common that spurs their attraction. Usually it starts out slowly. The couple may not be attracted to each other at first, sometimes they don’t even notice the other until weeks, months or years after they’ve met. One of them may not even notice the other has taken a liking to them until even later.
What is interesting to me though is that those kinds of relationships seem to be more grounded, more powerful. While it may not be the exotic one that the opposite couple shares, it has its own type of fascination. Two people that share common ideals, interests and tastes; that gel together and engage the other in a way more telling than the opposites do, seem to stand more of a chance.
I think, and I could be totally wrong as well as making an ass out of myself, that it is because the opposites couple is engaged by the other’s unfamiliarity and revels in the new life they are experiencing, they do not know the actual person they are with. They simply know that they are interested but must discover if they truly like the person beyond that surface level. Why the couple that is alike may work better is because they already have grown to know the person by the time they start to take a liking to them. They have already uncovered, provided the other is not hiding their true self, what kind of person they are being attracted to. This lack of shock, this lack of surprise as to what they are, may be the reason for their success. The thrill the opposites couple experiences will end at some point and they must then decide whether or not they care for this person enough to maintain a relationship.
If you think about it, it’s natural for opposites to not function together. Black cannot be white, and white cannot be black without both dissolving the other. Peace cannot itself be war just as much as war cannot exist in peace. Apples seeds are not crossbred with oranges for reasons too scientific for me to comprehend. The exceptions in the binary, mutually exclusive club are love and hate. They exist in relationships. Frequently too often for one, or both of the parties to always exude a level of frustration that causes constant friction. As present in a relationship as they may be, they only work make the relationship an unstable and frustrating one.
With the increasing (not overwhelmingly so, but still) amount of relationships starting online at places like Eharmony.com and Match.com, the theory has taken it’s broadsides. Still it has prevailed, but what is interesting is that if opposites do attract, they must for some reason. The reason I suspect, is that two opposites provide a sense of foreignness or exoticism experienced by both parties reveling in a new type of life. It could also be that one has not lived a life that the other has and they want to live it vicariously. Either way, the newness of it eventually wears off. Regardless of how one feels about it in the beginning, it will ultimately become everyday to them. This could be the source of why some relationships fail after a certain period of time. When one has experienced the life they had not previously led, they could begin to tire of it.
Without enough feeling of closeness, comfortableness or genuine emotional attachment regardless of the flaws and demands of the other party, the relationship is bound to fail. The couple may want to stay together and stick it out to see if it will pass, but it seems that is never the case. Weathering the storm can work but only if at least one of those aforementioned factors is present. Otherwise, the couple may stay together but bickering, oftentimes over petty and insignificant (at least to one party) things.
This theory is only relevant to the idea of opposites attracting. I’m not saying that every relationship built on opposites is going to degrade like above, just that normally that’s the reason they do. Relationships can be doomed from the beginning, but usually they start out with promise.
Some other relationships come from commonality. Two people share interests. They could be art; science; math; poetry; clouds; fucking, whatever. The point is that they have several things in common that spurs their attraction. Usually it starts out slowly. The couple may not be attracted to each other at first, sometimes they don’t even notice the other until weeks, months or years after they’ve met. One of them may not even notice the other has taken a liking to them until even later.
What is interesting to me though is that those kinds of relationships seem to be more grounded, more powerful. While it may not be the exotic one that the opposite couple shares, it has its own type of fascination. Two people that share common ideals, interests and tastes; that gel together and engage the other in a way more telling than the opposites do, seem to stand more of a chance.
I think, and I could be totally wrong as well as making an ass out of myself, that it is because the opposites couple is engaged by the other’s unfamiliarity and revels in the new life they are experiencing, they do not know the actual person they are with. They simply know that they are interested but must discover if they truly like the person beyond that surface level. Why the couple that is alike may work better is because they already have grown to know the person by the time they start to take a liking to them. They have already uncovered, provided the other is not hiding their true self, what kind of person they are being attracted to. This lack of shock, this lack of surprise as to what they are, may be the reason for their success. The thrill the opposites couple experiences will end at some point and they must then decide whether or not they care for this person enough to maintain a relationship.
If you think about it, it’s natural for opposites to not function together. Black cannot be white, and white cannot be black without both dissolving the other. Peace cannot itself be war just as much as war cannot exist in peace. Apples seeds are not crossbred with oranges for reasons too scientific for me to comprehend. The exceptions in the binary, mutually exclusive club are love and hate. They exist in relationships. Frequently too often for one, or both of the parties to always exude a level of frustration that causes constant friction. As present in a relationship as they may be, they only work make the relationship an unstable and frustrating one.
We are all so very sorry...
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home