Misty water colored stuff I can't remember
People have always been angry with me when I forget things. They think I’m just being lazy. I’ll admit that to a slight degree, I am a bit lazy. I’m not however, as lazy as one would think I’d have to be to not do the things I forget. You see, my memory has always been a bad one. It’s patchy at best, completely absent at its worst.
A good example of its crappiness is when I’m leaving my house. Usually it’s in the morning, but it can be at any point throughout the day. A lot of people might spend their morning shower and breakfast thinking about what they were planning on doing later. Me, I spend it all constantly reminding myself of what I need to do before I even get out of the house.
It should be routine to everyone. Get up, shower, use soap, put clothes on. Odds are I’ll forget one of those. In my 23 years, I’ve gotten the hang of wearing clothes in public (although there have been times that I exit the house in various states of undress) and showering seems to be one of my standards. I don’t want to say that I frequently forget to use soap but it’s happened too often to say it’s extremely rare. Usually I remember as I’m toweling off and realize that my skin is not quite as fragrant as it should be after using soap. So I climb back in and do a quick lather and rinse. I do not repeat.
As I leave the house, I can tell myself remember to take the lunch I’ve prepared that morning. The same lunch I set next to my keys, wallet and phone. The problem is that even after ten minutes of telling myself over and over to remember my lunch, I can be reaching for it when I remember something else that I’d forgotten earlier in the day. I turn for a split second to do or find whatever it is and will leave the house as soon as I finish. Odds are good that I’ve also left without my lunch.
You see, it’s not because I’m lazy, it’s strictly my memory. It’s not for lack of effort, I’ve spent 45 minutes to an hour reminding myself to take my lunch and in a split second, forget it entirely.
The laziness aspect has been hit upon countless times by people around me that see me as such. Let me be clear about one thing: when it comes to cleaning, if someone suggests something to be cleaned, I’m not going to drop what I’m doing (or in some cases not doing anything; i.e. watching football, writing, etc…) and do it immediately. I’ll say I’m going to do it later, after I’m done with what I’m doing. Ultimately I don’t do it 80% of the time.
I understand why people would be upset with me over it, I really do. I just don’t think it’s fair, is all. When I originally said that I would do it later, I honestly meant to. As a matter of fact, I wanted to do it just to prove to them I would. The problem is that almost as soon as I told them that, I’d forgotten it.
When I was applying to UCLA for the film program, I did so with an email address set up specifically for the process. I checked it frequently for weeks, but then one day completely forgot which email address it was. I tried every one I could think of, but it was to no avail. Eventually I stopped even trying to log in. Months later, late at night as I was falling asleep, the address popped into my head. I jumped out of bed and signed in only to find that I had several emails from the school setting up the timeslot for my interview. One of only thirty interviews that year. Interviews where they would decide which of us would be the fifteen students accepted to the program. That’s fifteen out of over 3,500 applicants. I looked at the date of the scheduled interviews only to see that it had been the day before I figured out the email address. It had been sent over a month prior to that, and I found it nine hours too late. It’s not to say that I would have been guaranteed admission to the program, but at least I would have had a 50/50 shot at it.
Besides being born with a faulty memory I’ve had my share of medical problems. Just a few months ago, I received my 7th concussion. It could have been my 8th, but I’m not sure anymore. Regardless, it’s a lot more than doctors would like to hear, especially in a matter of seven years. Those concussions have rattled my brain around enough that I suspect they may have aided my lack of a solid memory. The physical therapist who I saw after my last one told me that he suggests that people stop receiving concussions after their second because the damage it does to the brain. When he looked through my medical records and saw how many I’d had, he joked that I should start wearing a foam padded helmet everywhere.
To a great extent, I feel like people think I’m just making up excuses for being lazy. It frustrates me more than almost anything else in this world that they don’t understand what it’s like to be plagued with this level of forgetfulness. I’m almost positive that people think less of me with each forgetful moment. Perhaps it’s just my draw in life. Maybe I’m supposed to be forgetting these things for a reason. I will say this however, had I gone to UCLA, I might have had a hell of a leg up in the industry but I wouldn’t have met the people I’ve met at UCSD. It’s a trade off that I hope pans out. Otherwise I’ll just be the forgetful old man who could have been.
A good example of its crappiness is when I’m leaving my house. Usually it’s in the morning, but it can be at any point throughout the day. A lot of people might spend their morning shower and breakfast thinking about what they were planning on doing later. Me, I spend it all constantly reminding myself of what I need to do before I even get out of the house.
It should be routine to everyone. Get up, shower, use soap, put clothes on. Odds are I’ll forget one of those. In my 23 years, I’ve gotten the hang of wearing clothes in public (although there have been times that I exit the house in various states of undress) and showering seems to be one of my standards. I don’t want to say that I frequently forget to use soap but it’s happened too often to say it’s extremely rare. Usually I remember as I’m toweling off and realize that my skin is not quite as fragrant as it should be after using soap. So I climb back in and do a quick lather and rinse. I do not repeat.
As I leave the house, I can tell myself remember to take the lunch I’ve prepared that morning. The same lunch I set next to my keys, wallet and phone. The problem is that even after ten minutes of telling myself over and over to remember my lunch, I can be reaching for it when I remember something else that I’d forgotten earlier in the day. I turn for a split second to do or find whatever it is and will leave the house as soon as I finish. Odds are good that I’ve also left without my lunch.
You see, it’s not because I’m lazy, it’s strictly my memory. It’s not for lack of effort, I’ve spent 45 minutes to an hour reminding myself to take my lunch and in a split second, forget it entirely.
The laziness aspect has been hit upon countless times by people around me that see me as such. Let me be clear about one thing: when it comes to cleaning, if someone suggests something to be cleaned, I’m not going to drop what I’m doing (or in some cases not doing anything; i.e. watching football, writing, etc…) and do it immediately. I’ll say I’m going to do it later, after I’m done with what I’m doing. Ultimately I don’t do it 80% of the time.
I understand why people would be upset with me over it, I really do. I just don’t think it’s fair, is all. When I originally said that I would do it later, I honestly meant to. As a matter of fact, I wanted to do it just to prove to them I would. The problem is that almost as soon as I told them that, I’d forgotten it.
When I was applying to UCLA for the film program, I did so with an email address set up specifically for the process. I checked it frequently for weeks, but then one day completely forgot which email address it was. I tried every one I could think of, but it was to no avail. Eventually I stopped even trying to log in. Months later, late at night as I was falling asleep, the address popped into my head. I jumped out of bed and signed in only to find that I had several emails from the school setting up the timeslot for my interview. One of only thirty interviews that year. Interviews where they would decide which of us would be the fifteen students accepted to the program. That’s fifteen out of over 3,500 applicants. I looked at the date of the scheduled interviews only to see that it had been the day before I figured out the email address. It had been sent over a month prior to that, and I found it nine hours too late. It’s not to say that I would have been guaranteed admission to the program, but at least I would have had a 50/50 shot at it.
Besides being born with a faulty memory I’ve had my share of medical problems. Just a few months ago, I received my 7th concussion. It could have been my 8th, but I’m not sure anymore. Regardless, it’s a lot more than doctors would like to hear, especially in a matter of seven years. Those concussions have rattled my brain around enough that I suspect they may have aided my lack of a solid memory. The physical therapist who I saw after my last one told me that he suggests that people stop receiving concussions after their second because the damage it does to the brain. When he looked through my medical records and saw how many I’d had, he joked that I should start wearing a foam padded helmet everywhere.
To a great extent, I feel like people think I’m just making up excuses for being lazy. It frustrates me more than almost anything else in this world that they don’t understand what it’s like to be plagued with this level of forgetfulness. I’m almost positive that people think less of me with each forgetful moment. Perhaps it’s just my draw in life. Maybe I’m supposed to be forgetting these things for a reason. I will say this however, had I gone to UCLA, I might have had a hell of a leg up in the industry but I wouldn’t have met the people I’ve met at UCSD. It’s a trade off that I hope pans out. Otherwise I’ll just be the forgetful old man who could have been.
We are all so very sorry...
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home